Hi, I’m a financial teacher and I’ve lived with my parents for 3.5 years. 😬

Fortunately, at the time of this writing, my husband and I are just a few weeks away from moving into the new home we built. But it was quite the journey getting here.

Today I want to share part of my story with you, and further discuss this taboo topic about what it means to “move back home” as an adult.

Our Story

In May 2019, my husband and I moved into my parents’ house “for just a few months.” We are finally moving out in October 2022.

While this was certainly not our original plan, I wouldn’t change a thing.

In 2019, Michael and I confronted our circumstances. Looking at our budget, considering our priorities, and making a critical decision to transition out of both of our careers led us to conclude that we needed to accept my family’s support. With that decision, we moved back to my hometown, shoved our stuff in storage, and settled into the spare bedroom under my parents’ roof.

The plan was to stay for just a little while we restarted our careers and then find ourselves an apartment as soon as we’d re-established our income streams.

A lot happened in the meantime that led to our extended stay:

• My parents built a guest house in the backyard for my grandfather, but when his dementia worsened it was no longer safe for him to be in a separate building. He was moved into the room we stayed in, and we moved out into the (much more comfortable) guest house.

• Michael’s first two intended career paths didn’t pan out, and he found himself surprisingly thriving in his “temporary” grocery store job. He decided to play the long game and pursue management there.

• While I thought I knew my own plans, I had no clue what I wanted to do either. So I spent my time interviewing for jobs I didn’t want and pivoting my business 100x over.

• Michael talked me into building a house like a crazy person.

• COVID happened. Enough said.

So we stayed.

For a while, we stayed without knowing how or when we’d leave. That was the hardest.

But eventually, our careers started taking shape, and we had a clearer path on how we’d get back on our own. But even then, it wasn’t easy.

The Pursuit of Independence

Somehow, Michael and my parents talked me into building a house.

Building a house felt like such a large feat, and I had my eyes on a city apartment within walking distance of a Barnes & Noble.

But when I set aside the emotions - the part of me that simply felt shame and guilt for living at home - I realized that a house was the better long-term financial strategy. It would be much harder to get a home in the future with a traditional apartment rent (and I had no idea what the renter’s market would turn into in 2021).

All we had to do was be patient, focus on our income, and manage our money well.

So that’s what we did:

• In September 2020, we purchased land that we found through mere coincidence and at a great price due to the owner’s circumstances - though it still used up most of what we’d had saved by that point.

• In January 2021, I began regular contract work with an online agency as an Instructional Designer for course creators (with the random skillset I acquired from my years in the online business world).

• In February 2021, Michael earned his promotion into assistant management, a major win for our income.

• In August 2021, I was promoted into a full-time employee position at my agency job. Despite my love for entrepreneurship, this was a huge win not just for our finances, but also my passion for the work I do there.

• In November 2021, we finally hit our savings goals for our down payment and were approved by the bank.

• In December 2021, our land was cleared and the construction process begun!

• In October 2022, we’re moving into our new home.

In between those nice little bullet points, though, is A LOT.

A lot of frustration and impatience as we waited for the next job opportunity or construction update.

A lot of financial setbacks for our savings goals - emergency vet trips for the dog, repairs and maintenance for our only car that’s seen its fair share of mileage, traveling to see other family, etc.

A lot of embarrassment from having to admit that we couldn’t afford to live on our own yet.

And yet, we made it. 💪

But, You’re a Financial Educator??

I want to pause and acknowledge the elephant in the room. I teach people how to manage their money, but this story could easily make it seem like I’m not qualified to talk on this topic.

The fact that some will perceive it this way is why I’m writing this post and sharing my story.

Money management is a behavior, not a result. If not for our budget, we may not have been proactive enough to move back home before we needed to use debt to pay our bills. If not for our budget, we wouldn’t have been able to move out for much, much longer.

I credit moving back home as one of the best things we could have done for our long-term financial wellness. If you’re faced with a similar decision and the only thing holding you back is shame, I hope that this post gives you the courage to overcome that and make the best decision for you.

Acknowledging Our Circumstances

I can’t talk about the benefits of living back home without acknowledging a few things.

• Michael and I are incredibly blessed with the relationship we have with my parents. While we bicker like any family, moving back home was safe for us. Our relationships were not at risk, there was no tension, there was no resentment. This is not the case for everyone.

• My parents have the financial means to support us. They were willing and able to welcome us into their home (in fact, I didn’t want to and fought the decision for months, but they invited and insisted!). We would not have moved in if we knew that staying with them would have endangered their financial security. Again, not everyone has this luxury with their family.

• We stayed in a guest house that gave us just enough space to keep everyone from feeling overcrowded. I love my mom dearly, but we are very alike and can often butt heads. We would not have survived this long if we were still staying in the spare bedroom under the same roof. 😂

Being able to safely and securely live with family (or even friends) is a privilege that not everyone has. But, again, if you do have this opportunity and you know it could be beneficial for your financial journey, I hope that you won’t let your own internal feelings of shame (not imposed on you by the people offering to help) get in the way.

Removing Shame From Your Financial Decisions

Since COVID, over half of young adults (age 18-29) in the U.S. have moved in or stayed with family members. This is the highest amount since the Great Depression.

Yet, for some reason, having to live with your parents is still stigmatized by some.

If you are still living at home, or if you had to move back, you are not alone.

And as long as it is safe for you to be there and your relationships are not suffering because of it, there is nothing wrong with it.

Of course, it’s still extremely important to have clear boundaries and not take the situation for granted.

Sure, we were staying with my parents to save as much money as possible. But we still took every opportunity to give back what we could - bringing home groceries, sharing responsibilities for cooking meals and cleaning, offering our vehicle when needed, running other errands, etc.

And while we didn’t always know how we were going to be able to move out, we were always in pursuit of that purpose. It was never our intention to waste time and money just because we had a safety net.

“You don’t become an adult the day you graduate from college — it’s a process that takes time. And while there’s nothing wrong with getting support from your parents, it’s important for both parties to set rules and communicate during that process,” - Christine Russell, senior manager of retirement and annuities at TD Ameritrade

What’s Next for You?

Sometimes, you have to do what you have to do to hit your goals. If you let your insecurities run wild, it can hold you back from something far greater.

Objectively take a look at what you need to or want to do in order to shape your financial legacy. Then, make it happen, one step at a time.

It may take years. It may take sacrifice. It may involve accepting help from others. But you don’t have to do it alone.

Are you ready to take your financial journey to the next level? Then you may be ready to check out the More With Money Academy!

This ever-growing collection of online courses and trainings are specially designed to support entrepreneurs like you on your path to financial wellness. The Academy contains carefully designed courses that are easy to understand and implement so that you can be empowered with the practical concepts, streamlined systems, and powerful mindset to transform your business and personal finances.

Click here to explore what the More With Money Academy has to offer!

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I'd love to continue the conversation in the comments! Feel free to share your thoughts.

Until next time!